Navigating Separation Anxiety

New experiences can be exciting, but also a little scary. Here’s how to support your child (and yourself) through those first goodbyes!

Starting nursery is a big milestone for both children and parents. While it can be an exciting new chapter filled with opportunities to learn, play and make friends, it's completely normal for there to be a few wobbles along the way.

Many children experience separation anxiety when starting nursery, and many parents do too. The good news is that separation anxiety is a natural part of child development, and with the right support, children learn to feel safe, secure and confident in their new environment. 

Why Does Separation Anxiety Happen?
Separation anxiety typically peaks between 8 and 24 months of age, but it can occur at any age, particularly during times of change or transition.

As children develop strong attachments to their parents and carers, they naturally become aware when those people leave. 

Feeling upset at being separated is often a sign of a healthy bond rather than a cause for concern.

Starting nursery introduces new people, routines and surroundings, so it's understandable that children may need time to adjust.

Remember, It's Emotional for Parents Too
Watching your child become upset at drop-off can be incredibly difficult. It's natural to feel guilty, worried or even emotional yourself.

Many parents wonder whether they've made the right decision or worry that their child won't settle. In reality, children often recover much more quickly than parents expect once they become engaged in activities and begin building relationships with staff and other children.

Trust the process, communicate openly with nursery staff and remember that learning to separate confidently is an important part of your child's development.

What You Can Do to Help

Build Familiarity Before the First Day
If your nursery offers settling-in sessions, take advantage of them. These visits give your child the opportunity to explore their new environment, meet the adults who will care for them and begin building confidence before their official start date.

Even simple things like walking past the nursery, talking about it at home or looking at photographs can help make it feel more familiar.

Talk About Nursery Positively
Speak about nursery as an exciting and enjoyable experience. Mention the toys they might play with, the stories they may hear, the activities they'll enjoy or the new friends they could meet.

Keeping nursery as part of everyday conversation helps children feel prepared and reassured.

Create a Consistent Goodbye Routine
Children thrive on predictability. A simple goodbye routine can help them feel secure and understand what to expect.

Whether it's a special hug, a wave at the window or a familiar goodbye phrase, consistency can provide comfort during transitions.

Try to keep goodbyes calm, positive and relatively brief. Although it can be difficult, prolonged farewells can sometimes make separation harder for both parent and child.

Make Use of Nursery Updates
Many nurseries provide updates throughout the day through apps, photographs or daily feedback. These updates can offer reassurance and help parents feel connected while their child is settling into their new routine.

If you're feeling anxious, don't be afraid to ask nursery staff how your child is getting on.

Avoid Sneaking Away
Although it can be tempting to leave while your child is distracted, this can sometimes increase anxiety and make it harder for them to trust future goodbyes.

A clear, loving goodbye helps children understand that you are leaving, but that you will always return.

Give It Time
Every child is different. Some children settle within a few days, while others may take several weeks to feel fully comfortable.

Try not to compare your child's journey with anyone else's. Progress isn't always linear, and occasional difficult drop-offs can happen even after a child has settled well.

You're Not Alone
Separation anxiety is a common and completely normal part of childhood. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong, and it certainly doesn't mean your child isn't ready for nursery.

With consistency, reassurance and time, most children develop confidence in their new environment and begin to enjoy the routines, friendships and experiences that nursery life offers.

Every small step is progress, and before long, those tearful goodbyes are often replaced with excited waves at the door.